Here are my words. Told yet twisted in ways that account for a number of my actions. Be them small or tall, recognize the mode of matters in all these glass-shattering epiphanies. Be wise and don’t hypnotise. I don’t know what I was saying there; t’was writ but mere hours ago. But the night before, I was merry. It was a jolly time. I didn’t know why, but my buzzed behind cared not. For in times where I felt weak, my beliefs were strengthened by a compact but concentrated sense of camaraderie. So is the way of a comedian in Los Angeles. Co-Hosting an open mic. For three hours. No one else knows me better than myself. But everyone but me loves me way more.I’m still not entirely sure why that’s the case in my specific situation but I am grateful for the community that surrounds my anxieties and puts a half-nelson on it to where it suffocates my fears and has them become numb. A submissive and strenuous process, which ends up being way easier solely with the aid of libation and some sense of liberation. Which fairly exhibits my willingness to succumb as easily as anyone who puts just as much pressure as my Brother does in basketball when he tells me to try but not to try too hard either. Because he wants me to do my best. But he doesn’t want me to be exaggerated. As in, play too aggressively. He’s expressed to me time and time again that when you (me) play so forcefully (defensively) it’s not really that helpful (sucks beyond all Hell.) And strangely enough, it’s taken me a couple of years to be without a skirmish between him and I to understand exactly what he means. That really, as someone who considers his work as “art,” there has to be lines drawn, for my own psychological welfare, to keep real life and creative depictions separate. Compared to before, I think I’m doing much better in that field of reference. Certainly, I’m more scared about what I put out. But it’s a wariness moreover. Because I think after so long, I’m finally tapping into the style that I give off. Now, if only I can locate the audience as simply. That takes some work still, and then some. (Not sure why that phrase is so commonly used nowadays if it’s moreover an implied method of conviction.) Look at me throwing all these phrases at you. What a pompous romp I can be! Hah! Anyway, what I’m trying to near my ugly rear behind is that although I can be extremist, when it comes to certain ways I portray my “art,” I truly value the idea of just stepping back and not making as big and hairy a deal of it unlike some folk. That type of insight of knowing what you’re doing just comes from a consistent trail of trial and error doing exactly what you now know you shouldn’t do at all. (I.E.: Display work on the Internet and then try to publish it later and assume people will pay money this time around.) More details on that sort of occurrence on some other date. What else is going on with I? Glendale’s calm. The shows are coming in. No one’s really forgotten of me but I’m not clamoring for as much attention at the moment. Mainly because I just want to lock down a job I can keep first. I applied at the rear of last week so likely I’ll be getting some calls Monday on. Untill then, I’ve a tongue-in-cheek enthusiasm for my patronage to ye local Starbucks-es and Paneras. Not a crazy fan, but ya gotta use them gift cards. What I find helpful is a smaller room, which allows me to clean way easier for certain. That gives me some hope verily. Now, I just have to organise my priorities properly if I ever am to solidify my stance amongst my peers. Hoping to get to the bottom of certain issues I care not to mention because if you make a big deal out of a seemingly airtight topic, it only can cause more hysteria across the masses in a truly unnecessary way. I learn that difficult lesson time and time again. It’s in my best interest to avoid such circumstances. Just do what I gotta do. Enjoy the good times and leave be the lying dogs. What seems like Hell to me is a party to thee, apparently. I still am a visitor. Season pass. Access without a scant idea. In N Out. A cry of pathetic help never coming to the rescue if not to peruse the escrow. Frappuccino ain’t a world.