There is a reason why I tend to give off a very natural, effortless vibe on one hand and a pained exasperated type of one on the other. Sometime I wish I wouldn’t make people feel like I’m a pest. As if I’m some sort of source of their confusion. I think, though I have plenty to say, I let off a lot of steam more relaxed and such. It’s a weird balance that not even I have figured out totally at this point. But what I do know is that I am unbelievably patient. Most likely, opportunities don’t come to you to wait for hours when another person is more readily available. But, swapping that woe-is-me perspective for a more valuable concept such as enjoying the look of surprise when some fat-cat sees you and is all “well, where the Hell have you been?!” The answer to that, sadly, is a long and tiresome story that has been repeated once too many. Fear is what impairs individuals from progression, not because they don’t know what they’ll evolve into, but simply since no one knows how long it’s going to last. And that’s a pity. No one should have to feel the embarrassment of their five year old self saying “for shame.” No matter how adorably. It’s almost as if in taking time to stop and smell the roses, because you have no choice but to snag a whiff, is exfoliating to the sense of worry. It breathes in you. Saying “this happens to everyone. No one is as vocal about it, however.” And why should they be? In this world, if you don’t have a job, car, girlfriend, retirement plan or credit card, you’re viewed as a “loser.” As in “you lost against the conglomerates running our world dry of resources and such.” Now, I don’t get called that term as much by anyone minus me, but even I in my rambling tomfoolery know that word-to-the-wise has only so much velocity when history is on repeat. I’ve picked up some new habits. I’m dropping some new ones. I’m in a totally different environment. I’m in an ample opportunity to change my head space for the better. See if I can put my community to good use instead of just squashing the dreams of my days sitting in a seaside haze. “Enough is enough,” as I’ve said before. But now? “Enough is just getting started,” as I will start to say after every accomplishment and disappointment has their ways with me. Best to see it as a charging of your prowess. People don’t know how good they’ve got it till after you wreck their sensibilities with thought-provoking content they can rely on and feel totally stoked for. When my Dad was still in town [he just left yesterday] we were stopped at a light and saw a whole collective of pigeons [I presume] just chilling on the poles. For the streetlight, for the signage, for the stoplight. And one of these feathered-flockers was perched—out of all places—right in front of the ding-dang red light. Never moving even after it dimmed out in favour of it’s green neighbour. Makes me ponder if that’s how job fairs are. Just a row of sitting ducks, trying to pass as the Thanksgiving turkey, for an insignificant reason, only to be green-lit, and sent to the slaughterhouse of loneliness, or abandoned by the red light, where they’ll either have to starve on their own, or feast on the backs of their parents, apparently unaware of those folks’ expiration dates. I don’t think I’ll ever let go of certain addictions, but I doubt they’ll be as important to me as time goes on. There’s so much more in life to look forward to than your phone all the time. I know that. So then why do I follow the procession into the pit of no return? Why do I do myself strange? Am I a failure? Not necessarily. I’m considered lucky if I know I failed, and luckier still if I can recognise that it’s the first step to success. What they don’t tell me is how long ‘till my success satisfies me. One screenwriter I still remember on the bus to Hertz told me that it never stops. You just learn how to live with it after a while. It’s ironic how well things fall into place, get shook by life’s unpredictabilities and find themselves way more comfortable in the following positioning not because they can’t go back and find their footing from before, but because it just constitutes uselessness. Why go back if you know what’s up ahead is far more viable to society as a whole? Too many inconsistencies kept in mind will help you lose time very simply so. No other way to really put that except with a “sigh.“ But you sit straight and smile. Because it’s your future you are awaiting. If only everyone else would hurry up and return from their’s.